What I feel for these few months, these few days

For these few months for this few days, I wonder and think a lot. What in my mind is, I need to get a new life a new me that way different. I don't want to care more on what other might think. It doesn't matter anymore. Each time when my friend told me of what they decide or do, I will ask them " Will you be happy with it?" and then they will think before answer me.

If they say yes, then I will wish them all the best as that is what they want. Decision is important and I keep this on my mind but I found out that sometimes it is better not to decide but to think of the effect it will bring and go for it. No turning back.

Last few days, it seem like few week for me. I think of one thing. Who actually is my real friend? In my mind I think of few people, from primary to secondary to Form 6 and University. I think I know who are my real friends. At least they will think of you or at least asking " How are you today?" or even updating on what actually they going through. One of my friend pointed out something and I quite understand. I try to be less of it. Too much care on other without thinking of myself. Yes, I should love myself before I love other. So, do you ever think of other people too? Or too selfish just for own self? I wonder... How pity it will be...

But I know that I am a person that willing to listen to anyone when they need me... But how about me? I found few people to talk to at least I know who they are... I do know soon the busier life be, the harder it will be... But sometimes we can't expect everyone the same as we are...Maybe we need to evaluate our friendship...We can't expect other to understand us when they ( friend ) also didn't actually understand us as well. That's for true. But friendship is believing and trust. When it all gone then nothing left. What left is a so call "friend".

A friend once told me. She don't mind what other will regard her as best friend or not, she still will treat her friend as friend. At least she is open and she is a good girl to consult to in matter what, about job or others. But when they tell us, they also pour out what in their heart. We get to know each other more. That is good. That is friend who wouldn't treat you as nobody when thing around her change.

Have you ever come to situation where you feel that a friend actually seem to treat you differently from other people? Why? People will say it was just you being sensitive of it but actually it was the fact. Will you ever treat people badly when your mood is bad? But in the same time treat other as usual? Maybe, is it people should be less friendly than it be. Regard them as someone who you know not more than that so called hi bye friend. Seriously, will you accept a friend who always try to tease you all the time? Joking is common but will you ever think before you say out or just can't stop teasing people? Everyone have their own problem. So don't try to use that excuse for treating people badly.. It totally way not cool.

I understand when we step in to the world of working, we will become busy day by day. But, that isn't the way to shut people away from you.. It just a lame excuse. I wonder if you sit down alone, what will you feel? Everything seem quiet and it was your off day, your hand-phone totally silent. What will you think? At this moment, don't you ever try to say that they are not your friend nor saying they are busy or whatever. Think of it again. What actually you do all this while. It was because you keep ignoring them and they feel it, slowly they drifting apart from you. Think of it again!

Anyway, what I could say is "I need you"